No more waiting now!
Can’t you see it’s the waiting
that’s killing you
by stopping you from really
living?

There is nothing to wait for.

It will not get any better than this
and it won’t get worse.
You will not become more certain
of what you believe.
You will never know for sure
what or if God is.
You will not learn to live
in a way that dodges discomfort.
You cannot outrun or outeat
the gnawing aching needing
inside you.

This.

This is what it feels like
to be
alive.
This freefall freeflow “What is
going on what is it all about who
am I and how shall I live?” swirl.

You are not doing it wrong.
There is no puzzle piece
or spiritual practice
or personal habit
that just needs to be
slotted into place
for everything to finally
feel right.

Because, truly,
what’s so wrong with
this?
Aren’t you here?
Aren’t you breathing?
Don’t you love
in feeling and in action
day by day by day?
Yes, even with the floundering
hurting becoming.

So please, dear heart,
please stop waiting.
Not tomorrow.
Not after this visit or
when you finish that book.
But now.

Now is waiting for you.
Her hands are wide open –
naked, tender palms
outstretched to you.
She is nothing more or less
than she is
and she asks
nothing more
or less
of you.

PC: Grace Rouleau